Comparison jokes

what's the difference between an onion and a baby?

nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?

I don’t have a Mercedes.

what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.

I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples are actually picked.

What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.

Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

what's the difference between an emo and an apple? the apple falls to the ground while the emo just hangs there.

What is the difference between Putin and Hitler? Putin no longer supplies gas and Hitler gives it away for free.

When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.

What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

140 calories.

What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.

Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"

What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?

It's legal to get stoned.

What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.

Damn, bitch, you got a big ass for a head!