Comparison jokes
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?
I don’t have a Mercedes.
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
What is the difference between Putin and Hitler? Putin no longer supplies gas and Hitler gives it away for free.
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.