Comparison jokes
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?
I don’t have a Mercedes.
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?
dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.
morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
What is the difference between Putin and Hitler? Putin no longer supplies gas and Hitler gives it away for free.
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
Damn, bitch, you got a big ass for a head!