Comparison jokes
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?
I don’t have a Mercedes.
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
What is the difference between Putin and Hitler? Putin no longer supplies gas and Hitler gives it away for free.
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.