Comparison jokes
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
Imagine me being 12 feet taller than your dad.
I’ve seen doorknobs more interesting than LEO.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
What is the difference between a wheelchair and a walker?
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and feminism? The Twin Towers were destroyed by terrorists, while feminism was created by terrorists.
I like my women like I like my microwaves.
Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.
What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
What’s the difference between a dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.