Comparison Jokes

I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.

I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.

What do vacuums and your mom have in common?

They both suck.

The bushes outside got jealous after they saw your eyebrows.

Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂

Me verses my mother

The image is a side-by-side comparison. On the left, there's a depiction of a fiery figure with an angry face, labeled 'My mom when I break something.' On the right, there's a smiling green figure with floral details, labeled 'My mom when she breaks something.'

Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?

They both come on little white crackers.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?

Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?

The dinosaur once existed.

I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.

What’s the difference between a bird and a human?

“We don’t eat with our peckers.”

What's the difference between a man and a table?

The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.

🤔 What do gay men who are physically handicapped ♿ can do better than a man who is heteroflexible when 🤔 he has another man's 😍 😋 😜 😏 😳 😉 cock inside 😋 of his warm mouth 👄 👄 give a 👍 👍 good blowjob?

What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.

Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?

Leather armor is made of hide.

On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?

I don’t have a Mercedes.

what's the difference between an onion and a baby?

nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).