Comparison jokes
What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.
Yo momma's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"
He said, "Dogs."
I said, "Why?"
He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
What is the difference between a cow and me?
Nothing.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.
Twin Towers are like my parents: 2 left and 1 came back.
My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.
My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
Yo mama's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.
Yo mama so big, she thought Christopher Rhoades was a tampon.
Mom: Clean your room! Me: No, it’s my room, and I don’t want to clean it. Mom: You are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter. Me: Well, I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now, am I? You are the worst. Why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter? I’m not her, OK? I am not her, so stop! Mom: Do you know what? I pushed you out of my hula for 43 minutes! Do not make me hate you, because guess what? I brought you into the world, and I can take you out of it! Me: Bro.
Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
Adolf Hitler + Vladimir Putin = Vladolf Putler.