Comparison jokes

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?

Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.

Dark humor is just like water,

some people get it, some people don't.

I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.

Yo, your hairline over here lookin' like the Nile River.

What's the difference between a man and a table?

The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.

The bushes outside got jealous after they saw your eyebrows.

What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.

What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.

I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.

What’s the difference between a bird and a human?

“We don’t eat with our peckers.”

You're so skinny, you could travel through a fax!

🤔 What do gay men who are physically handicapped ♿ can do better than a man who is heteroflexible when 🤔 he has another man's 😍 😋 😜 😏 😳 😉 cock inside 😋 of his warm mouth 👄 👄 give a 👍 👍 good blowjob?

I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?

Leather armor is made of hide.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!

On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?

Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."

Walnut says, "I look like a brain."

Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."

Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"

what's the difference between an onion and a baby?

nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?

I don’t have a Mercedes.