Comparison jokes
The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
You look tall for being a yellow dwarf. You are 432,450 miles tall!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
Head look like a mf gorilla pop.
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
Your maw *microsoft shutting down noise*
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
People are like potatoes.
We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.