Comparison jokes
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
The egg that beat Kylie Jenner.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
What's the difference between anal and oral sex?
An and Or!
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
You look like a burger.
What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?
Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.
How are a gay guy and a refrigerator different?
When you pull the meat out of the refrigerator, it doesn’t fart.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!
What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?
A penis always goes in the hole.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
There is a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking; at least one of them does something.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
Okay, roses are red, violets are blue, Barney looks better than you.
What is similar between sex and fishing?
It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.