Comparison jokes
My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.
What’s the difference between a mushroom and a tree?
One's a fucking tree.
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
What does an apple and a gay person have in common?
Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.
I like my women how I like my wine.
Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.
If you're ever bored, pee on an android. Apple is better!
I ass big ass you :-)
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
Tada mun ang hai jiwain taage naal khota bania Honda ae.
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Big tits.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
I like my women like I like my diving pools.
Wet and deep.
I like my women like I like my diving pool:
Deep and wet.