Comparison jokes
My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.
My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."
What's the difference between Madlen Makan and Stephen Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead.
I hate this website. It's retarded and 4chan is better.
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.
What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?
One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
People are like trees...
If you hit them with an ax multiple times, they'll fall over.
What is the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage!
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
Me.
The joke is as short as me.
Sean's hairline recedes faster than my grades.
My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.
What’s the difference between a mushroom and a tree?
One's a fucking tree.
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.