Your mum is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices.
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
I meant to say, what’s an orphan's least favorite store to go to?
Family Dollar store.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices.
What’s one store an orphan can’t shop at?
HomeGoods ;)
A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!
I keep getting ads about belly fat.
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.
Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
How to get rich:
Step 1: Tell an orphan he will get a family.
Step 2: Knock out the orphan.
Step 3: Cut open the orphan.
Step 4: Well there [are] organs.
Step 5: Do it again.
And nobody will call the cops 'cause they got no family.
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...
How much do pirate earrings cost? 🤔
Answer: A buck an ear. 🤣
Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Why did the rapper go to the pet store?
To buy a dog for his bark tracks!
My wife is so fat. She buys her clothes at Tent & Awning!
My forehead blew up because I saw yours at the forehead shop!
You're sponsoring eBay with your hairline.
Did you know there’s a sex position called “Amazon”? You wait all day and nobody comes.
