Commerce jokes
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.
Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was "remarkable."
Your momma is so fat, when she got in the Pacific, she became the Pacific Ocean.
Your mama's so ugly, she got everything for free.
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
Why are orphans banned from the shop?
No adult to pay for them.
What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?
They're both dead...
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
What does a pregnant slave and a "pay less" sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pepperoni, and they only got plane.
How to get rich:
Step 1: Tell an orphan he will get a family.
Step 2: Knock out the orphan.
Step 3: Cut open the orphan.
Step 4: Well there [are] organs.
Step 5: Do it again.
And nobody will call the cops 'cause they got no family.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and McDonald's?
One's a drive-through and one's a fly-through.
Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop.
One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.
My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.
What's an Asian's favorite food place?
Answer: Petco
I drove past Wendy’s the other day. No other stores were open, so I asked, “Wendy’s openin’ then?”
Where do orphans shop for home appliances?
Yo mama so stupid, she starved in a grocery store!
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”