Comedy jokes
Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.
Why did the banana like the movie?
Because it was apeeling.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton laugh at the joke?
A: He broke his funny bone!
Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.
What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?
Pot wheels.
First human comes.
Sans: That was pun intended.
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to the movies tonight?
What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.