Comedy jokes
What did the woman say when I told a rape joke?
"I don't get it."
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
First human comes.
Sans: That was pun intended.
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.
Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.
I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton laugh at the joke?
A: He broke his funny bone!
I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?
Pot wheels.
Why did the banana like the movie?
Because it was apeeling.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.