Comedy jokes
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.
Why did the banana like the movie?
Because it was apeeling.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton laugh at the joke?
A: He broke his funny bone!
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
What did the woman say when I told a rape joke?
"I don't get it."
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?
Pot wheels.
First human comes.
Sans: That was pun intended.
Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to the movies tonight?
Technoblade: Makes jokes about orphans while in hospital.
Doctors to Technoblade's dad: Sorry for your loss.
Technoblade: What do you mean?? I'm right here!!
Orphans found parents: Who's he talking to??
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
Heard the Helen Keller single?
It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!
What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.