Comedy jokes
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
What's an Asian's worst nightmare? A tree.
I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.
I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."
This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.
Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!
A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”
I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?
His shoulder.
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.
I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.
If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"
My friend wanted to say egg puns, so I told him, "Omelette you do your egg jokes."
What is the weirdest thing to wear and what is the weirdest thing to say?
Weirdest thing to ware: Socks with sandals, also with flip flops!
Weirdest thing to say: "Would you rather be a bath or a toilet?" "The blue angel sea slug looks like an alien." (weird).
Bonus: Things to ware with other things: Crop top with t-shirt (really hip), Crop top with tights or shorts, dresses with tights! (Cool) Oh well byeeeeeee!
2 + 2 is 4, minus one, that's 3. Quick maths.