Comedy

Comedy jokes

Ball

    • Papyrus: Well come to the underground.

    Sans: How was your falls?

    Papyrus: G-g-good luck eve-ever ge-getting o-out.

    Sans: Give me your balls!

  • 4

    • Monkey

    • Monkey: What ya doing?

    Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."

    Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."

  • 0

    • Gambler

    • The IRS came to this man's house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money that's been coming in and out of his bank account. So the man thought, "Maybe I need to get a lawyer." So he and his lawyer get to the IRS's office and sit down, and the agent said, "There has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account, and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it." The man says, "Yes, I do. I'm a gambler." The agent says, "You gamble with that much money?" The man says, "Yes, I'll give you an example. Alright, I bet you $5,000 that I can bite my left eye." Agent says, "Alright, deal." The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Then the agent says, "That's not fair." The man says, "I'll let you get your money back, or even more. I bet you $7,500 I can bite my right eye." The agent, thinking, "I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick," so the agent says, "Deal." The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. The agent then says, "That's not fair." The man replies, "Alright, I have another one. You're down $12,500. I'll bet you $15,000, if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room, I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere." The agent says, "That's impossible, you've got a deal." The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk, and the agent says, "I got you!" He's laughing and happy that he finally beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face, and the agent asked, "What's wrong with you?" and the lawyer replies, "The man bet me $100,000 he could piss on your desk, and you'd just love it."

  • 2

    • School Shooter

    • VOTING SEMIFINAL 2

    LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

    DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

    Vote for the better joke.

    Dad

    • The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.

    Dog

    • People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.

    I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)

  • 3

    • Dinosaur

    • 1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

    A dino-snore!

    2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?

    A rocket chip!

    3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

    Because she was stuffed!

    4. What has ears but cannot hear?

    A cornfield!

    5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

    Between us, something smells!

  • 1