Comedy

Comedy jokes

Suicide

    • My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

  • 3

    • Homeless Man

    • A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."

  • 1

    • Shark

    • A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

    Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

    Chuck Norris

    • Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.

  • 1

    • Acne

    • What's the difference between a pope/preacher and acne?

    Acne comes on your face when you're 13.

  • 1

    • Snail

    • A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him.

    When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

  • 0