Comedy jokes

Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?

Because she got hit by a bus.

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

Helen Keller walked into a bar.

Then a table.

Then a chair.

If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:

1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?

2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?

3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?

4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?

5. Was this funny?

Joke start.

Punchline!

Rape jokes are the funniest thing to ever exist.

I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.

That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.

Oh Sans, you're such a bonehead! Sorry if that joke was jaw-breaking! LOL.

What is the highest number?

420.

My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.

Sans: Zzzzzzzz.

Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!

Sans: What is it, dude?

Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!

Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??

Friend: You are joking.

Me: Joking on deez nuts.

Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.

What's the difference between Autism and Gender?

Autism is on a spectrum.

What is cats and dogs' favorite story and movie?

"Romeow and Drooliet!"

What do you call a skeleton with no bones? A boneless boy.

What is the best joke of all time?

Feminism.

Knock, knock.

Who is there?

Deez.

Deez who?

Deez nuts!

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.