Comedy jokes

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.

I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.

What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite pasta?

Spaghett-hehe.

what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.

My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”

I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.

Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.

Why do pizzas not tell jokes?

They're too cheesy.

So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.

I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.

There's 3 things I hate.

1. Jokes

2. Lists

3. Irony.

8008135 is my favorite number.

The worst ratio is 6:9.

And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”

How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?

She unlocks the handcuffs.

I have a joke about paper. It's tearable.

I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.