Comedy jokes

what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.

I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.

What do you call a person with no body and no nose? "Nobody knows."

I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”

My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.

Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!

What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite pasta?

Spaghett-hehe.

Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.

what's worse than a baby in a trash can? A baby in two trash cans.

These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.

So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.

I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.

Why do pizzas not tell jokes?

They're too cheesy.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

8008135 is my favorite number.

The worst ratio is 6:9.

And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.

There's 3 things I hate.

1. Jokes

2. Lists

3. Irony.

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her titties, I got a mouth full of knee.

Russia—the real joke.