Comedy jokes
Why do I go around making orphan jokes? Because they can't go crying to their parents. 😅
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!
I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.
what's worse than a baby in a trash can? A baby in two trash cans.
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite pasta?
Spaghett-hehe.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.
what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
Why do pizzas not tell jokes?
They're too cheesy.
So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.
I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
There's 3 things I hate.
1. Jokes
2. Lists
3. Irony.
White comedy week:
Monster Truck Monday
Trailer Park Tuesday
White Trash Wednesday
Take Your Sister Out Thursday
Fox News Friday
Storm the Capitol Saturday
Say You’re Sorry Sunday
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?
A: Because they're intended for a young audience.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.