English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
That joke didn't land well, did it?
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
No, because it never came out...
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
Why do I go around making orphan jokes? Because they can't go crying to their parents. 😅
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?
"Can you show me what rape is?"
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
What do you call a person with no body and no nose? "Nobody knows."
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.
I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.
