Comedy jokes

English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”

French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”

I was going to tell a 9/11 joke, but it was really plane.

See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.

What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?

Cash and carry.

You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.

In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.

A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"

Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"

"Our wedding video."

What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?

He always needs a hand.

Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!

What's wrong with airline food...! They're not black, and they're not people. hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahXD!!!!!!!!! You're welcome?

What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?

"Coincidence on 34th Street."

Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.

A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."

I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?

No, because it never came out...

Why do I go around making orphan jokes? Because they can't go crying to their parents. 😅

What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"

What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?

"Can you show me what rape is?"

Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.