Comedy jokes
Ha! It asked me to submit a joke, but then I realized I'm the joke.
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Never mind, it’s too long.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
What's wrong with airline food...! They're not black, and they're not people. hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahXD!!!!!!!!! You're welcome?
That joke didn't land well, did it?
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
Stop with the 9/11 jokes.
They're not gonna fly.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.
Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
No, because it never came out...
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
I'm gonna stop telling rape jokes...
They just seem so forced.