
Comedy jokes
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Deez.
Deez who?
Deez nuts!
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
Funny.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
Israel and Palestine jokes are hard at these times.
It’s all about execution.
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
What's the best thing about an abortion joke??
No one gets offended.
What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?
What is the worst comedy for disabled people?
Stand-up comedy!
Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?
To get some plane bread.
What is cats and dogs' favorite story and movie?
"Romeow and Drooliet!"
My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. So what was 10 scared of? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.
Trump.
Get it because Trump is a joke hahaha, I am sooo bad!
What's the best thing about 9/11 jokes...
They make you collapse with laughter because the Twin Towers collapsed.
Osama bin laden hit the towers because he couldnt fly straight
Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?
Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ididap!
Ididapoo!!
