Comedy jokes

What is the highest number?

420.

What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.

Sans: Zzzzzzzz.

Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!

Sans: What is it, dude?

Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!

Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??

I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.

Here are some rules to make a good joke:

1: Don't say “my life.”

2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.

3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).

The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.

I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.

I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.

It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.

If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.

Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.

I came here to laugh.

James Woods, starring in the newest movie: "September 11, two thousand fun."

Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂

A girl named Sally has no arms.

"KNOCK KNOCK"

She never answered...

Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.

Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.

A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!

Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."

Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.

Osama bin laden hit the towers because he couldnt fly straight

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Spell.

Spell who?

W. H. O.

Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.

Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!

Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?