Comedy jokes
What makes a skeleton laugh?
When you tickle his funny bone with a skele-TON of jokes!
Heh.
This is a joke. Laugh now or else.
No more toilet paper jokes, please.
Knock, knock.
*takes out penis*
Who is there?
Butthole 😎
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
The only time rape jokes are funny is never.
1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?
2nd Person: Yeah, sure!
1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!
Deez nutz!
What does the ocean do to its friends?
It waves.
(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
Do you wanna hear a joke about vegetables? Never mind, it's too corny.
There’s nothing funny about orphans, right?
Well, I guess that depends on your sense of humor.
What do you call a midget stripper?
A pocket pussy.
Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"
Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"
Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
Why do orphans love to go to church?
Because they can finally call someone "father!"
Why don't orphans watch TV?
Because of "Family Guy."
Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.
Me: Okay, so an Asian...