Comedy

Comedy jokes

Punch

What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?

A Sandy Hook.

Brian

Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."

Expense

Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.

Me: Okay, so an Asian...

Son

Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly.

Abortion

What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.

Dog

My dog once went to Uranus. 🐶🤣🤣🤣

You know, because dogs sniff Uranus? 😂😂😂

9/11

I'm writing a movie about 9/11. It's called "September 11th Two Thousand Fun."

Sister

Chuck: That's my sister, mister, and I'm gonna save her!

Red: snooore, snoooore

Silver: *straining to get outta buff eagle's grip*

Chuck: *goes super sonic speed and breaks outfit*

Chuck VS RED

Both LOSE!

Chin

When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:

Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?

Ladder

Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"

Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"

Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"

Comedian

These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.

2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!

Orphan

Why do orphans love to go to church?

Because they can finally call someone "father!"

Orphan

What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?

OH it's a bitch.