Comedy jokes

I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.

Why is that a joke?

Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.

Why is that a joke?

Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?

Why is that a joke?

She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.

No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.

Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.

Technoblade was the second worst thing that happened to orphans.

Guys, they weren’t always orphans!

I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.

It didn't land well.

You see this guy's sense, bahh? If it was a cartoon, it would be an avatar. Cause why?

Anytime he needs it most, it vanishes. 😹💔

These jokes suck. Lmfao y'all gotta be more creative!

I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?

Why are the jokes fat? Because you made it.

Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?

Asgard.

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

Why did the skeleton go to the movies by himself?

He had no body to go with.

Earlier that day...

Mars: Okay Venus, you need to stop with the puns.

Mission on space.

Mars: Moon? You okay?

Moon:...

Mars: Moon come on! Stop spacing out!

*Venus and Moon giving her the smirk*

What do you call a bear with no ears? A b.

Yeah, that joke was unbearable.

I am going to scream, this is a cry for help.

I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?

As fat as Ben Dingley.

Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?

Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!

Stop making jokes about Kobe.

My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"

A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.

I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...

Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?

Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.

Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!

Me: You can't kick me out.

Manager: Why not? Huh?

Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.