Cold jokes
Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.
What do you call snowmen having sex?
A snowjob.
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
African Kid: "Mom, can we have water?"
Mom: "Sure, it's in the house."
African Kid: *Goes to the fridge and opens the door searching for cold water*
The fridge: ERROR 404 Water Not Found
Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.
One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"
The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."
After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."
The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"
After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.
The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."
The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."
The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."
The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."
The first kid then says: "I know, right?"
They then begin a snowball fight.
The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"
Memes
What do you call it when a rapper has a cold?
A sniff beat.
How cool is NASA?
Not cool at all.
Why is the orphan cold?
'Cause there's no one to cuddle with.
How does a rapper greet someone on a cold day?
"Yo, is the temperature Ice Cube, or Vanilla Ice?"
Why did the orphan jump into the burning building?
It was too cold because they did not have a home.
- Dude, what is your favorite rapper?
- He is very cold-blooded.
- Why?
- He is Ice Cube.
Uranus is cold.
What did the tissue wear?
A shoe.
What do you call a kid that’s cold and his name is war?
Cold War.
They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.
What do people often say in a cold Mexican kitchen?
Brrrrrrito!
Why did Frozone have a headache? He had brain freeze.
Amogus.
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"