Christmas jokes
What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
Memes
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he ever read.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.