Christmas jokes
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
Memes
You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he ever read.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.