Christmas

Christmas jokes

Santa

So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)

Rape victim

Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?

Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.

Orphan

What did the orphan get for Christmas?

Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.

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  • Santa Claus

    What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?

    Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.

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  • Noose

    It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

    Son

    I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

    Kid

    Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?

    Because they're the ones who made the toys.

    Santa

    How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?

    Claus-trophobic.

    Cheese grater

    I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.

    He said it was the most violent book he ever read.

    Foot

    What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

    What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

    Toy

    Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?

    Because they're the ones making the toys.

    Santa Claus

    What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

    They both come while you’re asleep.

    Kid

    What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...

    What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))