What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he ever read.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.
