Christmas jokes
I’m going to be busy having dinner soon. I have internet for Christmas 🎄 and I have some Christmas.
Last Christmas was awesome, the whole family came.
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?
Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
Your mama is so fat, the photo I took of her last Christmas is still printing.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas? AIDS.
Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?
'Cause she always dropped them.
Where’s the best place to put a Christmas tree?
In between Christmas two and Christmas four. 😉😂😂
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
Why is Santa always a b*tch, calling people names like, "Hoe, hoe, hoe?"
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
What do orphans get at Xmas?
Lonely.
Why does the emo hate Christmas?
The ornaments get hanged, and they don't.
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.