Christmas jokes
What pizza 🍕 do you order for Christmas?
Cheeses Crust!
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
Why is Michael Jackson on the naughty list this year?
Because he sexually kids 😂
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas? AIDS.
Merry eve of Christmas
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?
He has no legs...
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:
12 tap ins
11 pointless dribbles
10 fixed league titles
9 missed penalties
8-2
6 dives
500 million robbed from Barca
4 UCL semi losses
3 times he blamed Higuain
2 retirements
And a transfer to a farmers league.
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
Why was Santa happy?
'Cause he has hoes.
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
What did the orphan want for Christmas?
Parents.
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
A 10 year old girl lays in her bed and excitedly waits for Santa to come. When Santa eventually comes she giggles, shivers, and orgasms.
Finally, as a special thank you, she sucks off Santa’s wet cock.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.