Christmas jokes
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
Why do orphans hate Christmas?
Father Christmas isn’t a thing.
What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?
A hoe hoe hoe.
What did the orphan want for Christmas?
Parents.
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
Why did little sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
What did sally get for Christmas?
Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
Why was Santa happy?
'Cause he has hoes.
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."
What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?
He has no legs...
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.