Christmas jokes

Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?

Because they're the ones making the toys.

What do gay people get for Christmas?

Discrimination.

A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.

The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."

The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."

The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."

What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂

Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.

Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.

Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.

If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.

What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, she's still trying to open it...

Your mama is so fat, the photo I took of her last Christmas is still printing.

Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?

Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.

For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.

Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.

Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.

What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?

Klaustrophobic.

What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?

Santa stops at three hoes.

Why is Santa's sack always full?

Because he only comes once a year.

Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.

I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.

Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"