What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.
Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at three hoes.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
