Christmas jokes
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂
Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.
Memes
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at three hoes.
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.
Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.