Christmas jokes
What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?
The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man that is a minister and a Christian nationalist with blond hair in suspense?
Wait until Christmas to take away his church's tax-exempt status or he will call the ACLU.
Rizz,
Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.
Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.
You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.
Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
They made the toys.
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.
Note to self.
When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".
Google "cream pie recipes".
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?
He has no legs...