Christmas jokes
Yo mama is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...
And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.
Last Christmas was awesome, the whole family came.
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
It's Christmas!
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.
Where’s the best place to put a Christmas tree?
In between Christmas two and Christmas four. 😉😂😂
Your mama is so fat, the photo I took of her last Christmas is still printing.
Christmas. Living proof arseholes exist.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
No one:
Taeil: "Happy Christmas~"
Haechan: "It's Merry Christmas."
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?
He has no legs...
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.