Christmas jokes
"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"
"Claustrophobic!"
Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...
And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
What did the orphan want for Christmas?
Parents.
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄
Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.
Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.
What is the true meaning of Christmas?
Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.
What do you call the day before Christmas Eve? Christmas Adam.
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.
I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.