Choice jokes
Would you rather eat a brick or a matter baby?
What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
Uranus!
(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
What song do you think was playing at the school?
"Pumped Up Kicks"
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because he wanted to. :) :) :)
Dad, am I adopted?
NO! Why would I ever choose you?
Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?
The Final Cut.
After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
Bitch: Nice eyebrows.
Me: Yeah, where's yours, motherfucker?
Bitch: (Realizing she shaved them off cause she thought it would look cool)
Why do vampires drink blood?
Because they can't drink Bloody Marys because they are vampires.
Bessie Coleman - I don't want to be a flier cause I am African American.
Why did the orphan want to become a prostitute?
To get a daddy.
What do superheroes put in their drinks?
Just ice.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
A depresso espresso.
JK.
It's cyanide.
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
"Yeetus to the fetus."