Choice jokes
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND CLEAN MY ROOM! YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!
Stephen Hawking listens to the song "I Am Still Standing" and cries to himself.
Abortion is bad.
Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
Orphan: I want to be a relator.
Teacher: Why?
Orphan: Because I never had one in my childhood.
Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.
5+2 = 7
But 4+3 also = 7
So take your own path.
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Answer: Because they taste funny!
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
Where does a girl with one leg work?
IHOP.
What does a skeleton tile his roof with? Shingles!
What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to his job at KFC!