Choice jokes
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
Which restaurants can an orphan not go to?
A family restaurant.
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.
Friend 1: Eyyy gurl
Me: Hey! (Fake smile)
Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?
6 hours later
Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?
Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?
My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."
One day, Billy cow wandered off to the railroad tracks where his mother always told him not to go. His mother asked him where he had gone when he got home. He replied that he was just going for a graze. His neighbor later told his mother he had saw him at the railroad tracks. What would you call Billy cow now?
Ground Beef.
What is your favorite name?
Amy has.
What is your favorite color?
What do cats eat for breakfast?
"Mice Krispies!"
Why does NASA only serve Coke?
Because they can't get Seven-Up!
What is your favorite name?
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
Why does Hitler drink milk? Because he doesn't like juice.
The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
A hillbilly female has to decide if she would save her brother or her boyfriend. She chose both because her brother is her boyfriend.
Where does Santa send his children to study?
The Elf-phabets.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They wanted someone to call "daddy."
Why are you gay? Because I said so!