children's jokes
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
I put the D in Children.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.
I blend children to make a good living.
What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
They're both dangerous to children.
God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
What's big, black, and touches children?
Harambe.
I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.
That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.
An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.
I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.
I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
What do you call a group of children who go on strike?
A minor's strike.
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.