children's jokes

How do terrorists feed their children?

"Here comes the airplane!"

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...

On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.

To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.

What does a man with 20 children do now?

Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

What's the same about boxes and children?

They're both found in basements.

Not many people know this, but Soulja Boy was the lead role in a very successful children's movie a while ago. Released to theaters nationwide in 2006 was Honey, I Crunked the Kids.

What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?

A holy CUMmunion.

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

“Correct,” says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.

“Correct again,” says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”

The teacher fainted.

A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.

Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."

What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

What's yellow all over and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"