Children jokes

Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"

Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.

Why don't orphans get dad jokes?

Because they don't have a dad to tell them.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?

A holy CUMmunion.

What do orphans' parents have in common with Nemo?

They both can’t be found.

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?

"Are you ready kids?"

I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.

What do priests give children?

Syphilis.

How many children does Explain Bear have?

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.

Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."

Why did Sally fall off the swings?

Because she had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally!

What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Schools be like "dRuGS arE BaD," then prescribe a 6-year-old Adderall for not wanting to sit in the same spot for 8 hours.