Children jokes

Little Johnny tried phone sex, but the holes were too small.

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?

Their focus is always off.

Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?

- He robbed children of their innocence.

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

Suicide squad.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!

Not funny, here’s another.

Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.

How do orphans have a family reunion?

They use a Ouija board.

When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.

Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."

Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.

Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.

Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?

Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.

Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"

Trump: "Screw the women and children!"

Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"

There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"

There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."

what did the pedophile say to the kid?

"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."

How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.