Children jokes

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?

Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?

When you drop them both, everyone screams.

What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?

They both say "Hello children!"

What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?

Someone: Ugly?

Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.

Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

Why can't orphans do homework? They don't have a home.

I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.

Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.

Q. What type of flour do orphans get?

A. Self-raising flour.

What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?

A Jacko Lantern!

If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.

Me: "I like kids."

Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"

The priest says, "Because I'm a father."

Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."

The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."

Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."