What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
Children Jokes
What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.
So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."
And her mom said, "WHAT?!"
And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"
Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
Why can't orphans do homework? They don't have a home.
I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.
What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?
They both enjoy kids' company.
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.
Me: "I like kids."
Why is it ok to smack an orphan?
What are they going to do? Tell their parents!
Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?
Because she loves raisin kids.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.
