Children jokes
So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."
My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
What is black and blue and really hates sex?
The six-year-old in my basement.
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
Son: Dad, why did you name my sister Paris?
Dad: Because she was made there.
Son: Thanks, Dad.
Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.
Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?
A. Denephew.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.
What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?
If you throw them, they both will never come back.
Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.
Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?
A: "Oops, I got your nose!"