Childhood jokes

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

Apples get picked.

This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.

Why can you slap an orphan?

Are they going to tell mommy?

Why couldn't the orphan buy chips?

They were all family sized.

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor?

Because it can't hit home.

Kid: Mom! You lied to me!

Mom: When?

Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!

Mom: Sooo?

Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?

Mom: WHAT!!!??!!

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple? Apples get picked.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

Q: Can orphans hit a home run?

A: No, they don't know what it's like to have a home to run to.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to find their dad again.

I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”

What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?

I don't have $1 million in my wallet.

One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

because they'll never make it home.

My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.

Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.

Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.

The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.

The son comes outside and steps on a crack.

The dad then dies in a car crash.

What pictures do orphans take? Selfies.

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"