It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.
Why?
Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."
Why don’t orphans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?
Because no one’s looking for them.
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."
LBB- me and Shrek built a theme park for you mummy and it’s called Dummy pee pee poo poo doo doo land because Shrek likes to poop.
Shrek- Should I pull the trap?
*LBB’s mom walks into the trap*
LBB and Shrek- surprise we’re mailing you to Peepoo Peepoo AB
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.
Do you remember blowing bubbles when you were younger?
Well, Bubbles is back in town and was asking about you!
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple kool-aid.
Ms Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that. Little Johnny: Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
What if Game of Thrones and Harry Potter antagonism had a child?
Coldemort!
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up that little shit wants to be gone down an alley
Why was Wacko Jacko willing to write a song for the film Free Willy?
He thought that the film's title was a nice phrase to yell out in primary school playgrounds.
Why do orphans enjoy playing tennis?
It's the only way they’ll get love.
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
