Childcare jokes

We should bully foster parents more for raising parent-less nobodies.

What do you call an Indian babysitter?

Nanny.

So, if she gargles your cum, is that a jacuzzi daycare?

So things are just too tiring to sort out... like which adoption center you should send your son to?

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

Baby: Stroll?

Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!

Baby: *happily screams*

Stroller: *front wheels break off*

Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!

Baby: Oka- CRASH!

If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?

Orphanage protest jokes here!

A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.

How do you stop a baby from crying?

You drown it.

Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.

Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

(AT BED TIME)

Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

Ben: "I'm not."

(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?

With a pitchfork.

Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?

A: It wasn't in its car seat.

Welcome to Peyton's Orphanage, where you make it, we take it!

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back.

Why don't orphans care if they get in trouble? They can't call their parents.