Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
Why does an orphan always try to escape the orphanage?
Because he wants to get money to buy a family since they won't buy him.
I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.
So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
What’s the most annoying thing about licking bald pussy?
Putting the damn nappy back on afterwards...
How do you make a baby cry?
You punch it in the face.
Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.
I didn't put my kids up for adoption.
How do you make a child’s parents happy?
Put the child to sleep.
What did the orphan say to the barber?
I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.
I gave her a lift back to her crib because her car wouldn’t start.
What cries, is red, and is a pokey boi?
The baby you just feed nails to.
How do you stop a baby from crying?
Throw a brick in its mouth.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
