Childcare jokes
Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.
I saw a girl crying. I asked her, "Where are your parents?" She cried as I got kicked out of the orphanage.
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.
So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.
How do terrorists feed their babies?
Here comes the airplane...
HERE COMES THE SECOND ONE 👹
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
What do you call an Indian babysitter?
Nanny.
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
Baby: Stroll?
Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!
Baby: *happily screams*
Stroller: *front wheels break off*
Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!
Baby: Oka- CRASH!
What do you call an orphanage?
A parent-less shelter/homeless shelter.
How do you make a child’s parents happy?
Put the child to sleep.
What cries, is red, and is a pokey boi?
The baby you just feed nails to.
Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?
My donation to the orphanage :)
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
What’s the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?
They’re both alone, but only one is home.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.