Childcare jokes
We should bully foster parents more for raising parent-less nobodies.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? One of them gets picked.
What do you call an Indian babysitter?
Nanny.
So, if she gargles your cum, is that a jacuzzi daycare?
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.
So things are just too tiring to sort out... like which adoption center you should send your son to?
I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.
Baby: Stroll?
Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!
Baby: *happily screams*
Stroller: *front wheels break off*
Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!
Baby: Oka- CRASH!
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Orphanage protest jokes here!
How do you stop a baby from crying?
You drown it.
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What’s the most annoying thing about licking bald pussy?
Putting the damn nappy back on afterwards...
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.