Childcare jokes
How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail its hand to the floor.
Mom: Kid, bring your toys and clothing to the car. We're going to Disney Land.
Kid: Ok.
*Bring kid to the orphanage*.
Who is an orphan's favorite soccer player?
Been fostered.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
How do you make a baby cry? You punch it in the face.
I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.
So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?
Nail one hand to the ground...
How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.
Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son. Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day. 😐
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
What’s the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?
They’re both alone, but only one is home.
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
What cries, is red, and is a pokey boi?
The baby you just feed nails to.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
What do you call an orphanage?
A parent-less shelter/homeless shelter.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
I saw a girl crying. I asked her, "Where are your parents?" She cried as I got kicked out of the orphanage.
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.