Childcare jokes

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son. Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day. 😐

What’s the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?

They’re both alone, but only one is home.

"Hi, this is Dave's orphanage—you make it, we take it."

I saw a girl crying. I asked her, "Where are your parents?" She cried as I got kicked out of the orphanage.

If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Why didn't the orphan go to the orphanage?

He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.

What school can’t orphans go to?

Home school.

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.

God, orphanages are fun to work at!!

What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.

What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?

They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.

"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."

I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.

Why can’t orphans win trophies?

Because they can’t take them home.

Mom: Kid, bring your toys and clothing to the car. We're going to Disney Land.

Kid: Ok.

*Bring kid to the orphanage*.

Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?

A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).

Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? One of them gets picked.

We should bully foster parents more for raising parent-less nobodies.