Childcare jokes
Why do orphans love foster homes?
Because they actually have a home.
I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.
So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.
Why does an orphan always try to escape the orphanage?
Because he wants to get money to buy a family since they won't buy him.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
What’s the most annoying thing about licking bald pussy?
Putting the damn nappy back on afterwards...
Why can't an orphan go on a field trip?
'Cause they need parent registration!
How do you make a baby cry?
You punch it in the face.
Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.
How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?
Nail one hand to the ground...
How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.
Bully: *Bullies kid*
Orphan: Stop!! *Cries*
Bully: What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?? XD
Orphan: :/
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
What did the orphan say to the barber?
I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.
How do you make a child’s parents happy?
Put the child to sleep.
Why can't orphans go outside?
Because they have no parents to watch them!
I didn't put my kids up for adoption.