Childcare jokes
What do you do when a baby starts to cry?
You use more lube.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son. Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day. 馃槓
Dident come in a package
Who is an orphan's favorite soccer player?
Been fostered.
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.
God, orphanages are fun to work at!!
I gave her a lift back to her crib because her car wouldn鈥檛 start.
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."
I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Why can't orphans go on vacation?
The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
People call me a bad person, but just the other day I saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents. I love working at the orphanage.
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
Welcome to Peyton's Orphanage, where you make it, we take it!
Mom: Kid, bring your toys and clothing to the car. We're going to Disney Land.
Kid: Ok.
*Bring kid to the orphanage*.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them. XD
We should bully foster parents more for raising parent-less nobodies.