Childcare jokes
I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.
So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.
Why don't orphans care if they get in trouble? They can't call their parents.
Why do orphans love foster homes?
Because they actually have a home.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Welcome to Peyton's Orphanage, where you make it, we take it!
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
Why can't an orphan go on a field trip?
'Cause they need parent registration!
How do you make a baby cry?
You punch it in the face.
Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.
Bully: *Bullies kid*
Orphan: Stop!! *Cries*
Bully: What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?? XD
Orphan: :/
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?
Nail one hand to the ground...
How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.
How do you make a child’s parents happy?
Put the child to sleep.
Why can't orphans go outside?
Because they have no parents to watch them!
I didn't put my kids up for adoption.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.