Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
Childcare Jokes
Babies can spread a nasty smell,
especially when you haven't fed them for a month.
People call me a bad person, but just the other day I saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents. I love working at the orphanage.
How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail its hand to the floor.
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
I asked, "Where are your parents?" and oh god, I love working at an orphanage.
I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
I saw an orphan crying the other day, so I asked, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage :)
I'm sweating like Michael Jackson at a kindergarten.
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
What do you call an orphanage?
A parent-less shelter/homeless shelter.
What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?
My donation to the orphanage :)
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
What do you do when a baby starts to cry?
You use more lube.
Orphans can get away with anything really bad at school, because they can't be sent home for it.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.