Childcare jokes
I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
Dident come in a package
Why can't orphans go on vacation?
The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back.
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
Welcome to Peyton's Orphanage, where you make it, we take it!
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
We should bully foster parents more for raising parent-less nobodies.
I asked, "Where are your parents?" and oh god, I love working at an orphanage.
I gave her a lift back to her crib because her car wouldn’t start.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
Mom: Kid, bring your toys and clothing to the car. We're going to Disney Land.
Kid: Ok.
*Bring kid to the orphanage*.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Who is an orphan's favorite soccer player?
Been fostered.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them. XD