Childcare jokes
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
How do you stop a baby from crying?
You drown it.
Why didn't the orphan go to the orphanage?
He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
Why can't orphans be home schooled?
Because they have no parent to home school them.
I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.
It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.
Welcome to Peyton's Orphanage, where you make it, we take it!
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.
What school can’t orphans go to?
Home school.
"Hi, this is Dave's orphanage—you make it, we take it."
What’s the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?
They’re both alone, but only one is home.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? One of them gets picked.
How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail its hand to the floor.
So things are just too tiring to sort out... like which adoption center you should send your son to?
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
What did the orphan say to the barber?
I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.