Childcare jokes

How do you make a child’s parents happy?

Put the child to sleep.

What did the orphan say to the barber?

I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.

I gave her a lift back to her crib because her car wouldn’t start.

What cries, is red, and is a pokey boi?

The baby you just feed nails to.

How do you stop a baby from crying?

Throw a brick in its mouth.

Who is an orphan's favorite soccer player?

Been fostered.

How do you stop a baby from drowning?

Take your foot off its head.

What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.

I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!

Why can't orphans go on vacation?

The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!

Ah, son of a bitch, I got the truth stuck on my shoe?!?!

The truth: Breast feeding is like having long sex with your baby. God dammit, I hate the truth!

How do you make a baby float?

You take your foot off its head.

How do people get skinny?

Their parents don't feed them. (JOKE)

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them. XD