Childcare jokes

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back.

Babies can spread a nasty smell, especially when you haven't fed them for a month.

Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

(AT BED TIME)

Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

Ben: "I'm not."

(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!

Best not leave hungry kids unattended!

How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail its hand to the floor.

How do you make a baby cry? You punch it in the face.

What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?

With a pitchfork.

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

How do you make a baby float?

You take your foot off its head.

I asked, "Where are your parents?" and oh god, I love working at an orphanage.