Child jokes
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.
What's an orphan's least favorite film? Family Guy.
Follow for candy, kids.
Like for pizza, kids.
Comment for kids.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
"I only want to play with your daughter. It was okay yesterday."
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"
Mom👱🏻♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"
Dad👨🏻🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"
I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"
I say, "Your parents."
Why is it ok to hit an orphan?
Because they can't call their parents.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.
Orphan: My parents!
Me: You know that word?
What are two plus sides to being an orphan?
1. All your snacks are family sized.
2. No one can make jokes about your mama.