Child jokes
What's the best thing about f*cking twenty-eight-year-olds?
There's twenty of them.
Why do orphans never play baseball?
'Cause they can never get a home run.
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
What if little Johnny was doing drugs?
"Johnny, Johnny?"
"Yes, Papa?"
"Eating sugar?"
"No, Papa..."
In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!
What kind of bride does the pedo icon like? A "maik order" bride. Why? The male part.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie?
The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Why? The boy who was in the bubble.
When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.
You learn from mistakes!
That's why you're an only child!
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
Why didn't the orphan go to the orphanage?
He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.
Mum finds out child cheats in math test.
Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."
Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"
Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?
They wanted some family time.
What if Game of Thrones and Harry Potter antagonism had a child?
Coldemort!
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find the home plate.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
What is an orphan’s least favorite children’s game?
House.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.