Child jokes
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Me: "I like kids."
Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.
Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?
Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.
Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!
Dad: Oh, hey Brick!
What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.
Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?
Because she loves raisin kids.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.
Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.
Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-
Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."
Orphan: And I took that, personally.
What is red and very rare?
A child in a blender.
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)
Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
Why can’t orphanage kids play baseball?
Cause they don’t know where home is.