Child jokes

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.

Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

Me: "I like kids."

Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?

Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.

Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?

Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.

Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!

Dad: Oh, hey Brick!

They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.

What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.

Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?

Because she loves raisin kids.

Q: Why can orphans swim?

A: They have or-fins.

Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.

Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.

Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-

Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."

Orphan: And I took that, personally.

What is red and very rare?

A child in a blender.

My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."