What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Child Jokes
Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.
Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?
Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.
Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!
Dad: Oh, hey Brick!
Me: "I like kids."
What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.
Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?
Because she loves raisin kids.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.
Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-
Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."
Orphan: And I took that, personally.
What is red and very rare?
A child in a blender.
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
Why can’t orphanage kids play baseball?
Cause they don’t know where home is.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)
Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.
