Child jokes

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

What's a benefit of being an orphan?

No one makes yo mama jokes to you.

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.

Why are orphans so good at tennis?

They never get love.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home.

What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?

None. Neither can see their parents.

How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.

Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.

What’s the difference between air and a six year old?

Air has resistance.

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.

Guess what? It had no home button.

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"