Child jokes

Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?

Because they're the ones making the toys.

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.

Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

Me: "I like kids."

Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?

Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.

Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?

Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.

Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!

Dad: Oh, hey Brick!

They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.

What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.

Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?

Because she loves raisin kids.

Q: Why can orphans swim?

A: They have or-fins.

Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.

Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.

Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-

Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."

Orphan: And I took that, personally.

What is red and very rare?

A child in a blender.