Child jokes
What’s the difference between an orphan and cotton? One gets picked.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home, LOL.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.
They burst into tears.
I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.
MOOOMMMM
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
They never get love.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
What’s the difference between air and a six year old?
Air has resistance.
I regret my abortion.
I didn’t know child labor was an option.
I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.
Guess what? It had no home button.
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
Wife: "Did you notice that the child is actually not yours?"
Husband: "I've been suspecting this for a long time. Finally you admit it."
Wife: "What are you talking about? I asked you to pick up our child from the kindergarten. But the child you picked up is not ours!"
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"