Child jokes

Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.

Son: Why, Dad?

Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.

What movie does an orphan hate?

- No Way Home.

KFC doesn't mean Kentucky Fried Chicken, it means "Kill Fat Children."

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.

I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.

What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.

What's a benefit of being an orphan?

No one makes yo mama jokes to you.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.

I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.

Guess what? It had no home button.

What’s the difference between air and a six year old?

Air has resistance.

What’s a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.

I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.

When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.

What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.