Child jokes

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause they can't find home.

What might an aborted child want for Christmas?

..... a home that isn't a bin.

What's an orphan's favorite sport?

Baseball, because they finally have a home.

Father heard his children scream,

so he threw them in the stream.

Saying, as he drowned the third,

"Children should be seen, not heard!"

I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.

Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.

You can't give an orphan homework.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?

A. Nothing, they both die at ten.

Why was the boy crying?

He had a frog stapled to his face.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make them clap until their parents come back.

There are 206 bones in the human body.

207 when I'm at a nursery.

Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.

what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?

you find the real one.

What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

How do you tell a child they have cancer? With a smile on your face.