Child Jokes

What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.

Everyone likes orphans but their parents.

What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?

None. Neither can see their parents.

Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?

Because they're the ones making the toys.

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

The image shows two panels. The top panel shows a mother looking at a baby with a loving gaze, the mother gently holds the baby's hand and kisses it. The text reads "WHEN MOM IS ALONE WITH THE BABY." The bottom panel shows a father's hands on a baby's cheeks with a slight squeezing. The baby has a pouty, grumpy face. The text reads "WHEN DAD IS ALONE WITH THE BABY."

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

What joke could orphan's never understand?

Your Mom jokes.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

What do the Spanish people call child abuse? Pedrophile.

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.

Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"