What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"
Mom: "No you can't..."
Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"
lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"
Me: "They are Parental Guidance."
What is the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
An iPhone has a button to go home.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?
Family restaurants.
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
A pedophile pulls up to little Jonny, lowers his window and asks, "hey little boy, if I give you a lolly, will you come in my car?" Little Jonny replies, "Give me the whole packet and I’ll come in your mouth."
I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.
There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
What do you call a family photo taken by an orphan?
A selfie.
