Child jokes

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Q: Why can't orphans be gay?

A: They have nobody to call daddy.

If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!

Not funny, here’s another.

Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.

I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.

When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.

What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?

One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"

Mom: "No you can't..."

Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"

lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

What does a kid and wine have in common?

Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

What is the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?

An iPhone has a button to go home.

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?

It can't hit home.

Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"

Me: "They are Parental Guidance."

Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.

Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"

Trump: "Screw the women and children!"

Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"

What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?

When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."

A pedophile pulls up to little Jonny, lowers his window and asks, "hey little boy, if I give you a lolly, will you come in my car?" Little Jonny replies, "Give me the whole packet and I’ll come in your mouth."

What do you call children born from incest?

Gross Domestic Product.

Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?