Child Jokes

What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?

Hans Solo.

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

Dark humor is like cancer; it's funnier when kids get it.

If her age is on the clock, she gets the cock.

Where does an orphan come from?

Daddy getting milk.

FOR REAL

Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?

American: Self defense.

Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?

Why are orphans only able to have iPhone X's? Because it doesn't have a home button.

There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."

Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.

If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.

I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

Mom, can I please go out and play?

... no answer.

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.

Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."

He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*