Child jokes
1 like = 1 Ukrainian child sent to Russia.
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.
One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.
Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"
Q: What's an orphan's favorite game?
A: The Sims 4, because then they can simulate having a family.
Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!
Why can't the orphan take a family photo?
Answer: The orphan has no family to take a picture with.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?
Me: Where's your parents?
Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?
Me: Because it has a home button.
I spit on an orphan. What is he going to do? Tell his parents?
Why are orphans bad at baseball? They can never find home.
Why did the child throw the butter out of the window?
So she could see a butterfly.
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.
What's the one upside to being an orphan?
You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
Me: I hit an orphan!
Mom: OMG WHY?
Me: Not like they can tell their parents-