Child jokes

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”

Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.

The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.

Why did the orphan want to become a prostitute?

To get a daddy.

How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 cause my basement is still dark.

Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?

Dad: Sure, Alex! We're here!

Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!

Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

Girls are like math, if they're under 10, use your fingers.

An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."

He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.

Be careful around EDP445.

Why was Michael Jackson so loved? He touched so many children in so many special ways.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?

Milk, because his parents never came back with it.

The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.

My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.

Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."