Child jokes
I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.
Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?
What is an Iraqi kid's favorite game?
Minesweeper.
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
What do you call a family photo taken by an orphan?
A selfie.
The orphanage was open in apps, but I didn’t see the home button.
A child asks his teacher to go to the toilet.
"Before you go, recite the alphabet," the teacher says.
"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"
"Good, but where's the p?"
"Running down my leg."
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.
Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.
Kid: "Dark humor is like a mother's love."
Orphan: "How?"
Kid: "You wouldn't know."
Orphan: "........."
Children in the dark make mistakes.
Mistakes in the dark make children.
I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"
What is the difference between preschools and my basement?
Little kids come out of preschool.
I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."