Child jokes
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap till their parents come home.
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
Orphan: Have you seen my mommy?
Person: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes?
Person: SON SON??? IS THAT YOU MY LOVE?
Orphan: MOTHER!
Person: Let's go home!
Orphan: Uhhhh
*She was never to be seen again*
Hey, what's your age, Jordan? Probably 5 years old.
Why did the little girl flush herself down the toilet?
Because she wanted to join the Brownies.
What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?
Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
What is an orphan's favorite song? "Lost Boy."
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't run home.
HAIKU JOKE:
Helen Keller could Fuck a blind man so hard that she Ends up with his child.
Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.
Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.
An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."
A homeless kid once said he will go home.
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane... and then the second!"
Why can you hit an orphan?
Because they can’t tell their parents.
The orphan had to earn money because he/she didn't have parents to give him/her an allowance.
Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?
The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.
Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?
Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.
What is red and very rare?
A child in a blender.