Child jokes
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?
Dad: He had a nap.
Kid: Where is he now?
Dad: HELL!
What starts with S and ends with S? STUPID HOMEWORK NEVER ENDS.
What starts with C and ends with K? Children do not cook.
What did you think I was going to say? How bold of you to assume.
1 like = 1 Ukrainian child sent to Russia.
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
What's Yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of dead babies.
Q) What did the airplane say to the little boy?
A) Nothing, airplanes don't talk!
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.
Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.
What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?
They will never grow up.
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What do you call an orphan with no legs in an adoption center?
Answer: Who cares?
What's small, brown and crispy?
A baby in an oven.
Why did Aaron's dad beat him? Because he tensed his ass.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"