Child jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

How hard can you throw them!

Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't hit a home run.

Why does Aaron cry at night? His alcoholic father beats him.

How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.

What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?

The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.

Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?

He was hit by a train.

"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.

The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.

"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"

"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.

The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.

"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.

What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?

What's Yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of dead babies.

Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!

1 like = 1 Ukrainian child sent to Russia.

I always use chloroform when stealing a child.

What do you call an autistic daughter?

This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say, "Open wide for the delicious plane."

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't run home.

My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."

Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"

Why can't an orphan play kickball?

Because they can't hit home.

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."

Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?

Because they cannot find home.