Child jokes

I always use chloroform when stealing a child.

What do you call an autistic daughter?

My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."

Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"

Why can't an orphan play kickball?

Because they can't hit home.

This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say, "Open wide for the delicious plane."

Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?

Because they cannot find home.

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't run home.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?

A. Nothing, they both die at ten.

Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?

Dad: He had a nap.

Kid: Where is he now?

Dad: HELL!

What starts with S and ends with S? STUPID HOMEWORK NEVER ENDS.

What starts with C and ends with K? Children do not cook.

What did you think I was going to say? How bold of you to assume.

1 like = 1 Ukrainian child sent to Russia.

Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!

What's Yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of dead babies.

Q) What did the airplane say to the little boy?

A) Nothing, airplanes don't talk!

Where do Eagles send their children to study?

The Alpha birds.

One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.

Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"