Child jokes
How do you make a child’s parents happy?
Put the child to sleep.
What is the difference between a tall kid and an orphan? One is tall enough that their parents can see them.
Hey, what's your age, Jordan? Probably 5 years old.
"Addison, are you one of those kids who are very, very, very, very smart? Because you sound like one."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.
Why do orphans play with Barbies?
So they can have a home :)
Madeline Mcannot find her.
What spooky creature has children?
Mummies.
Why do orphans play baseball because they try to find home?
Where do religious kids practice sports?
In the prayground.
The adoption center threw a party. Why? 'Cause the parents weren't home.
Why did the African child wake up suddenly? Because he was being sexually abused.
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”
Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned!”