Child jokes
What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.
Why do orphans hate baseball?
They don’t know what home base is.
You look like your mom and your dad had a child.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.
I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.
Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.
Memes
Why did the African child wake up suddenly? Because he was being sexually abused.
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”
Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned!”
Tazzaro be like: Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't hit a home run.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
How hard can you throw them!
Why does Aaron cry at night? His alcoholic father beats him.
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.