Child jokes
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Why was Six afraid of Seven?
Because 7 was accused of the murder of 26 children.
What's the difference between kids and drugs? I don't sell drugs.
1 like = 1 more child in my fryer.
Once, there was a Minecraft child molester on the Minecraft Facebook. He asks a kid his age. The kid blocks him.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Cause they can't go to home base. 😈
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
This is crazy! Little Johnny died!
A boy was terrible at writing sentences, so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences, and return to school the next day.
When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call, so he angrily shouted at the child, "Shut up, you donkey!" The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom, who assumed that he wanted to play video games, so she said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." That was his second sentence. For the third sentence, he went to his older brother, who was watching football where someone scored a goal, so he was jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!"
For the fourth sentence, he went to his sister, who was singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" For the last sentence, he went to his grandmother, who was cleaning the toilet and singing, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
He went to school the next day, and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, "Shut up, you donkey!" The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, "Do you want me to slap you?" The boy said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately, he started jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!" The teacher dragged him to the principal's office, as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was, to which he replied by singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" She asked him where he lived, so he sang, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
Why are half the orphans missing? Because I took them, of course! :]
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"
Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
They never get love.
What do boobs and toys have in common?
Kids end up playing with toys, but adults end up playing with boobs.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One's actually picked.
Why was Sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.