Child jokes

What do you call a kid with no home?

A homeless kid.

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

What say the child to the man? Shalom.

Man come later give the child: "Here, what you asked for!"

Child: "No, sir! I say Shabbat Shalom. I not ask for salmon!"

Man: "It may be the coin in me ear, hard to hear."

My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.

What is yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

Guys stop before I tell my parents!

Me sais yes to mom when she seis wha is 1 plus 1 and me is says NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! looooooooooooooooooolllolololololol

If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?

How many babies does it take to cover a brick wall?

Depends on how hard you throw it. 😆😂😁

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

An orphan was playing with a famous baseball player. The baseball player walks up to him and says, "Dude, I gotta teach you." The orphan goes, "Why? I got all your moves down." The baseball player goes, "But kid, you can never find home, though."

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple actually gets picked.

What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!

Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

What's an orphan's favorite sport?

Baseball, because they finally have a home.

Q. Why can't orphans play baseball?

A. Because they don't know where home is.

The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."

The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."

Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."

Yo daddy so poor, when yo mama ask for sum child support money, yo dad don’t have it! 🤣

Mom: Clean your room! Me: No, it’s my room, and I don’t want to clean it. Mom: You are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter. Me: Well, I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now, am I? You are the worst. Why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter? I’m not her, OK? I am not her, so stop! Mom: Do you know what? I pushed you out of my hula for 43 minutes! Do not make me hate you, because guess what? I brought you into the world, and I can take you out of it! Me: Bro.

I like my cigars like I like my women:

Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.