My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
Child Jokes
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the ground.
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
What's Yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of dead babies.
A man takes a boy into the woods.
Boy says:
"Mister, I’m scared, and it’s dark and cold."
The Man: "How do you think I feel? I’m walking out here alone!"
Father: "Son, you were adopted."
Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
When the school lets you near children again...
A child asks his teacher to go to the toilet.
"Before you go, recite the alphabet," the teacher says.
"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"
"Good, but where's the p?"
"Running down my leg."
What's yellow and can't float?
A school bus full of children.
Why do pedophiles never cum first?
Because they like to cum in a little behind.
What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?
The cross shoved up the priest’s ass as he ‘downward dogs’ the kid.
