Child jokes
Why was Timmy sad? Because his dad stapled a frog to his forehead.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"
"Shut up and leave the bedroom."
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.
A dark joke is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
I AM SO SORRY!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.
Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.
Why does an orphan play soccer?
Because it's the only love they get.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They wanted someone to call "daddy."
Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?
A: Wave at him.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
Your adopted.
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.