Child jokes
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of disabled children.
I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
Why did the orphan cross the ride?
I forgot.
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why can’t orphanage kids play baseball?
Cause they don’t know where home is.
When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
Why was Timmy sad? Because his dad stapled a frog to his forehead.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"
"Shut up and leave the bedroom."
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.