Chair jokes
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
What's black and sitting in a chair? Steven Hawking after a house fire.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
Stephen Hawking always wins musical chairs, as he’s always sitting down.
How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.
Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"
Why can't emos stand in chairs?
Because they never get down.
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?
... she likes to rock and roll lol.
You sat on a chair with Uranus.
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
Why didn't the chair cross the road? Because it was a chair.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.